In the last issue of JDCC News, we printed a feature article ‘Marrying Out Of The Jewish Faith’ written by Ira Rothenberg. In this article, we report on results of a survey JDCC News conducted for the article.

JDCC News researched and compiled a list of thirty Deaf Jewish and non Jewish families across the country and sent a survey to asking twelve questions about their intermarriage experiences. We received fourteen responses. Length of marriages varied from 3 years to 55 years.

Most of the Jewish partners were females married to non-Jewish males. Only one partner came from an Orthodox background. Most of the non-Jewish partners are Catholic. Many shared experiences of not being able to find a rabbi willing to marry them so they had get married by a judge or a minister. Just one partner out of fourteen families converted to Judaism and one partner expressed a desire to convert in the near future.

Most have at least one child, six out of fourteen couples have children who are Deaf. Nine out of fourteen families live on the west coast. In response to the question on how they agreed on raising their children, many responded that respect is the most important factor. When asked how they celebrate holidays, many replied that they celebrated both Christmas and Chanukah.

When asked if any of them experienced problems arranging a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah, the female partners had no problem because the Conservative and Orthodox branch of Judaism recognizes the mother as being fully Jewish which automatically makes the children Jewish. Many partners do not discuss religious issues in advance until the time comes up.

Alex & Georgette Fleischman, Ft. Lauderdale, FL:
Married 55 years, no children

Suggestion For Someone Getting Intermarried?
“This is a sticky matter. They should go to both a rabbi and priest and get marriage advice. Both must agree on the issue. Both must understand the consequences. It won’t be easy with the in-laws either. It will take understanding at and after the wedding and also after the birth of their children. Peace be with them.”

Jeff & Marie Lubman, Chino Hills, CA:
Married 18 years, adopted deaf daughter

“We adopted our 8 and half years old daughter from Russia. She already knows her mother and her deaf grandmother are Catholic and I am Jewish. She understand where we come from and proud to have us as a family. For her, she was not ready to be taught with two different religion as she had to learn so many other things who are more important in her life. She needs to be loved as a family as she did not have the love before as orphan child.”

Charles & Katalin Farr, Fremont, CA
Married 19 years, four deaf children (3 girls, 1 boy)

“Many Jewish people include myself called her a better Jewish person than we are. Why?? She has been faithful to prepare for Jewish holidays meals… invite Jewish friends… encourages us to go to temple for some Sabbath nights…”

Robert & Risa Lewis, Frederick, MD:
Married 9 years, 3 deaf children (2 girls, 1 boy)

“She wants and will convert to Judaism when time is right!”

Bernice & Rex Drake, Palmdale, CA:
Married 13 years, two sons (1 hearing, 1 deaf)

“We agree to raise our boys being very simple reform Jewish. Beside we live in wrong town at Palmdale where has no service temple, etc. for the Deaf and also my family live far away from here.”

David & Jenny Coffin, West Hills, CA:
Married 5 1/2 years, 2 hearing children (1 boy, 1 girl)

“We celebrate all holidays, both Jewish Holidays and non-Jewish holidays. We celebrate both holidays in our home as well as in my mother’s home. We celebrate both Passover and Easter and Hanukkah and Christmas. It has always been this way in my upbringing with my mom and dad, celebrating both holidays so we are continuing the traditions that I was brought up with. David and I are both comfortable with celebrating both holidays.”

Stephanie & Mark Summers, Clifton, VA:
Married: 5 1/2 years, twin boys (1 deaf, 1 hearing)

“We did meet a rabbi. Discussion the rabbi had with us was trying to persuade us to attend his temple, receive newsletters, and become a member. We conveyed to him that we were not interested in pursuing that because his temple did not have any affiliations with the Deaf Jewish population in the Washington metropolitan area. The rabbi asked my husband why he did not want to convert. We did discuss on how we plan to raise our children which we said that our children will be raised Jewish with the understanding of being open minded about their father’s religion.”

Abraham & Diana Prioleau, Van Nuys, CA:
Married 14 years, no children

“I would suggest for any couple to analyze, find answers in their hearts and think about the future before making the final honest decisions. Being a team to work together is the key important to start a lifetime relationship. Being in love doesn’t always solve every problem.”

Sara & Don Patterson, Las Vegas, NV:
Married 5 years, 2 hearing children (1 boy, 1 girl)

“He has no religion and made things easier for me to choose and of course asked him to have our kids to be Jewish. He doesn’t mind and just go along as I would like to. We never really discussed about education yet. We will or may send our kids to a public school. Maybe we will send them to a Sunday school. We both are flexible and open to it to see if any opportunity or good program for our kids. I (Sara) subscribe JDCC newsletter as well as JCC newspaper in Las Vegas. I do check to see if Sven fits or may interested in participate and also age group which sometimes more difficult for him to participate.”

Lilly & Barry Crisman, Pasadena, CA:
Married 3 years, 1 daughter

“Barry joins me in celebrating whenever we do with the Jewish holidays, customs and rituals at home. He does not celebrate Christmas at all.”

Debbie & Frank Vrabel, Roslyn Heights, NY:
Married 16 years, 2 hearing daughters
On converting: “The reason is that he does not want to ruin his family and relatives on his side.”

Mike & Suzie Brinker, Santa Cruz, CA:
Married 12 years, 1 daughter
“Sometimes there are so many Christians that bothers me mostly, I could not stand their crazy religious!! My older daughter begins to be tired of going to temple on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, I won’t given up! She is a proud of being Jewish.”

Rebecca & Bruce W. Capen II, Dallas, TX:
Married 7 years, 1 daughter
“We have always decided that our kids will be raised in a Jewish home. We have also discussed that if anything were to ever happen to us, then my (Rebecca’s) family would get custody of our kids so they could continue their Jewish upbringing and education …. We celebrate Jewish holidays with my (Rebecca’s) family. However, for non-Jewish holidays, such as Christmas and Easter, for instance, they are celebrated with Bruce’s family outside of our home. Since we agreed to maintain a Jewish home, we’ve agreed not to celebrate non-Jewish holidays.”

Jeff & Nancy Lewis, Frederick, MD:
Married 23 years, 4 deaf children (3 girls, 1 boy)
“Our children understand that they are Jewish. However we have not yet exposed them to Jewish teachings. We would like to find ways to make this happen. It does not bother us that some Jewish groups may not recognize them as Jewish. “ing at and after the wedding and also after the birth of their children. Peace be with them.”