Maybe you are planning on getting married? Ever wonder what traditions are involved in a Jewish wedding ceremony? Over thousands of years of Judaism, certain traditions and customs are still retained and some of the customs will be covered in this article.
Getting Married?
A wedding is always a time of joy. It represents a “new beginning for people.” According to the Torah, a single person is considered a half a person until he or she gets married. Then the two single halves are joined and becoming like one person. It is a time of many preparations and coming together to build a new home and to raise another generation in the chain that has kept us a nation for the past 3,000 years.
There are many laws and customs which connect the Jewish people as a nation because of the Torah which we received through Moses on Mount Sinai. Many customs are unique to a specific community of group. The laws are those that were written in the Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law) to protect the Jewish marriage and to help us live our lives in the proper ways.
In Hebrew, the word for Groom is ‘Chossan’ and for Bride, ‘Kallah’.
Picking A Wedding Date
There are certain dates that we can’t marry for specific reasons. This includes the Sabbath, Holidays, or intermediate days of the holidays.
There are also two time periods during the year that we do not marry because these periods are times of general mourning for the Jewish people. One is the forty nine days between Passover and Shavuos (except Lag O’mer- the 33rd day). Many people get married on Lag O’mer.
During these days, at the time of the Second Temple, 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva died because of a plague. The students didn’t respect one another. On the 33rd day, they stopped dying.
The other time is during the ‘Three Weeks’ which is during summer. These Three Weeks have been times of great tragedies for the Jewish nation. It is the period of when both Temples in Jerusalem were destroyed. During this time, people don’t get married. There are many special days that people like to get married on like Chanukah or after Purim.
Orthodox Customs
One well known custom is that the Chossan and Kallah don’t see each other for one full week before the wedding. On the Shabbos before the wedding, the Chossan is called up to the Torah, and it is the custom in many places to throw candy, nuts, or rice at him after he is called up. This ceremony is called the Arfruf.
On the same Shabbos, the Kallah has a party with her friends who also shower her with blessings. During that week, the Chossan and Kallah are like a King and a Queen and don’t go anywhere alone. They are always escorted by someone.
On the wedding day, it is customary for the Chossan and Kallah to fast because it is like a personal Yom Kippur. They say Tehillim, Yom Kippur Confessions in their afternoon prayers and ask G-d for forgiveness for all of their sins.
Putting veil on
Before the actual wedding ceremony takes place, there are several things that go on. One is that the Chossan and Kallah are in two separate rooms where people come to wish them a Mazel Tov and blessings for “Building a True Jewish Home.” During this time, on the men’s side, the T’naim, marriage conditions are read aloud to the Chossan, his parents and to the Kallah’s parents. After it is signed, the two mothers break a plate, showing that just like a broken plate, showing that just like a broken plate is not repairable, so too, should this engagement be strong. Many years ago, this ceremony took place many months before the actual wedding ceremony. Today, it is done right before the Chupah. A similar American custom is throwing the bouquet and garter.
Both mothers break the plateSelecting Rings
The ring, tabba’at, represents the gold or silver, must be plain metal, preferably gold, without any stones, because the value of the ring must be easily determinable.
Bedekken Ceremony
The Bedekken ceremony is putting the veil over the bride’s face. It reminds us of the story what Yitzchak did when he went to marry Rivka, her face was covered, and we make sure that the Chossan sees her face before he covers it. It is also a reminder of how modest one must be within a marriage.
Under the Chupah
Chupah is the canopy where the couple gets married under. The Chupah is a canopy with four wooden poles attached to it. The parents and grandparents stand under the chupah, although grandparents and young children often prefer to sit in the first row.
The Chossan is escorted to the Chupah, either with his father and father in law or his parents, and then bridesmaids and ushers with the Kallah and her parents or both mothers.
The Kallah and both parents circle around the Chossan seven times because he is like a King and is surrounded by his servants.
Reading the Ketubah
The number seven occurs frequently in Jewish history. Some examples are: seven days in the week, the seventh day is the Sabbath, seven aliyot are given out on the Sabbath, seventh day of Sukkot, and seven blessings, the Sheva Brachot during the wedding ceremony. The Chupah is traditionally done outdoors under the stars.
Ketubah
The Ketubah is the marriage contract between the husband and wife. It is the Jewish legal contract that states the obligations of the groom to his bride in marriage, death, and divorce. One is not allowed to live
Circling seven times under the Chupah
together without one. Judaism, unlike many other religions, does not see the woman as her husband’s possession and realizes that there are valid reasons for a divorce, and protects the woman if that should happen.
Breaking The Glass
Before the groom kisses his bride, he breaks with his right foot a small glass that has been wrapped in a napkin. This is to remind us of the Destruction of the Temple. It also tells us that a broken marriage cannot be easily repaired. At the sound of the broken glass, everyone says Mazel Tov! (Good luck)
After The Ceremony
The newlyweds go to a special room where they can share a few private moments together and break their fast together. Yichud represents the time when, historically, the groom took his bride home to consummate the marriage. As this is an important ritual, two witnesses stand outside the door to keep well-wishers out for about ten minutes.
